6/2/18–6/3/18 The reason why this blog exists.

Hi Dreamers,

Before I go into the logic on why this blog exists it is very important to detail the history I have as a person and as a dreamer. I have been practicing lucid dreaming for around 11 years and at this point I ALWAYS know I am dreaming unless I take a sedative or have been drinking alcohol. That is very important to remember a brain that has been modified by chemicals is hard to control in a conscious state let alone an unconscious one. Lets cut this short and say that I was not raised by the Brady bunch, I have an anxiety disorder and at that time a handful of other issues. I suffer/ed from night terrors and when this journey began was living in depression from being forced into a drug ridden home-life. Sleeping was my solace, my relief, and just to put it plainly the only mother fucking thing I enjoyed. I slept all the time and quite frankly started experiencing lucid dreaming before I knew what it was. I learned to harness the power and I hope to guide you too as well.

I decided that I would start this blog after last night, note to fucking self DO NOT let your boyfriend force you into watching a scary movie before bed.

Body Altering substances:

Alcohol-0%

Marijuana-0%

Tramadol-0%

Xanex- 0%

Ambian- 0%

Benadryl- 0%

Melatonin- 3% cherry flavor dissolve first wake up and 3% cherry flavor dissolve second wake up

Now on to the story, bf put on Occulus on netflix I will not share any of the details of the movie just know it is an anxiety ridden horror movie with out a single break in stress. I forced him to turn the movie off 20 min before it was over because I was so worked up. This was around 10:00 PM. First dose of Melatonin.

Now this dream was so realistic to the details of my every day life, I was so thirsty I went to grab a glass of water, had to get out of bed. Now my patio door was WIDE open however my nonexistent screen door was the only thing in the way of a older (about 45, white male.. exact serial killer profile am I right?! Holy crap) just dead eye staring at me. In Psychology everyone has either a flight or fight response mine is fight… not the brightest crayon in the box. I am about 5'3 and 120 lbs. Lets get real I can’t fight a full grown man. Clearly the best thing to do is run at the screen door in attack? Maybe if I was about 7 inches taller and had any muscle at all. BUT that is what I did anyway… I tried to yell for my boyfriend (will be noted as bf from now on) and my brother no screams came out, first clue I was dreaming. That cued me off, looked at the door realized, Bitch get real you don’t even have a screen door. However still terrified, I knew at that moment this is not real and I can do whatever I want to do I am dreaming. Teleported back to my bed. The intruder was gone.

I could not shake the uneasy feeling even though I knew It was a dream and my dream attacker had vanished. I needed to lock my room door to feel safe and be able to have a peaceful sleep for the night. The issue is now I am FULLY conscious but unable to move. FUCKING sleep paralysis, yay. Happens to me all the time. I am wresting around, who knows if it happened or not. Trying to get my bf to wake me up as he is pretty good at it. Nothing. A few times I envision myself locking the door. The small lock never will turn that is another thing you should look out for when in a lucid state. Still dreaming. Fuck. In hindsight I should have just tried to fly, whenever I can fly it calms me back either to a restful sleep or a state I am calm enough to wake up. When you are under duress it is the hardest to control a lucid dream, you have to pull your self out.

Third time of getting up was the charm, however an unlucky one. I actually get up to lock the door still sleeping. My ankle bends, I fall to the ground in a rude awakening. “Ouch,” my bf wakes up at this time “what the hell are you doing on the floor?” “I don’t want to talk about it”. I got a glass of water (fucking finally right) and sat up for about two hours as to not fall back into the trap. If you are in this state and sleep too soon after you wake up you have a high chance of falling right back.

3 hours go by it is now 2:00 AM, I have work at 8:00 AM. So I dose myself with another melatonin.

Melatonin mistake is what I would like to call it, actually it started off pretty amazing. I know I am dreaming and I want to have sex, this is a topic for another day but it is 100% possible to train yourself into having multiple orgasms while dreaming. Dream date did not stand me up, I can feel with full intensity both of his hands grab my hips and bring me into a doggy style position. It felt amazing. However no penetration happened because my blanket was in the way. What are we in middle school? Who dry humps at 27, what the fuck is wrong with you? Honestly I looked back and he was fine as hell, looked very similar to my bf although he had a bigger nose (don’t worry babe you are way more fine). He disappeared.

This is when it took a turn for the worse, I believe this is true sleep paralysis although I have been claiming to feel it for years. There is one thing when you know you are sleeping and feel paralyzed and have to pull yourself out of it. You know exactly where you are and for me can even see other people sometimes if they are in the room. THIS was another level. I do not wish this on my worst enemy, there was a very large (and I mean wide) woman in a wedding dress circa 1995. Her face was completely blacked out, she leaned over and started choking me. I can still feel how her icy hands gripped my throat. It was realistic and I could feel every second where I was gasping for breath. I kept my mental scripts, “this is not real, change places, wake up,” at that moment she stopped. BUT she laid right next to me in bed, silent. Bright yellow eyes boring into my soul, this only lasted tops 15 seconds. Fight instinct (transfers over into real world occurrences, wish it didn’t) kicked in again. I tried to speak, and to my shock and amazement I could. “Fuck you,” literally in that situation my choice words were fuck you? Mother of god what is wrong with me. Anyhow.. she turned into me and said “Fuck you too, bitch”. Then she instantly faded away into the darkness.

I can add in a psychoanalysis of my dream as well if anyone is ever interested about that. I have a BA in psychology with a core on sleep cycles and dream interpretation.

Thank you so much for reading dreamers! Major tip if you are just starting out try sleeping a few times a day for very short intervals.. if you are feeling a warm tingle/half consciousness you are on your way!

Peace and love,

Mercy of Flowers

(PS I swear I am not a true hippie, my parents are dicks and gave me a ridiculous name)